Monday, 2 June 2014

Before The Winter Chill


I spent a rare sunny spring afternoon confined in the dark with a friend at the Cine Lumière. Despite the generous legroom and comfortable seats, and the frothy latte in my hand, our chilled mood took a sharp left turn onto Dread Street five minutes into the film.                       

Daniel Auteil, who plays the part of a very successful neurosurgeon, is married to the lovely Lucie, played by Kristen Scott Thomas, in the latest French release, Avant l’Hiver, Before the Winter Chill.




From the outside, all appears idyllic: the couple, their family, their magazine-spread home and prize-wining gardens she so lovingly tends to, day in and day out. (Okay, so a little too much gardening and not enough socialising outside the house…) All said and done, the couple’s home is an architectural feast; look as hard as you wish, but you will not catch so much as a streak on its many massive glass walls.

As the viewer, you and I get to stroll inside their exquisite home and admire everything about it, down to the Eames chair and appealing array of art, lamps and curio objects. His offices are equally easy on the eye - until a self-appointed ‘decorator’ of sorts proceeds to mar all the beauty and goodness of the visual canvas, petal by petal, stinking of a Shebug’s cloying odor.

Her name? Lou Vallé. Or so she tells him one afternoon when she chats up the respectable doctors in a café before he heads home after a long day of operating. She tells him that she remembers his removing her appendix as a child and has remained forever grateful to his tender care – the first of her cascading lies.




The neurosurgeon immediately corrects the too young and too chatty barmaid explaining that she must have him confused with another physician. But Lou insists on being right and casts her calculating murky eyes at him over her exposed shoulder.

A nonstop delivery of blood-red roses kicks off the very next day. He finds her calling card on his windscreen, in a vase at his reception, fanned about in his very office and being sent his own home… Does the shebug own up to being the culprit? That’ll be the day…

Meanwhile, Lucie’s perfectly arched right eyebrow hikes up to a 90° angle. Only because she is English-born is she able to maintain her commendable calm. She is respectable, caring, intelligent, elegant and very much a lady.




The Shebug’s persistent Mephistophelian machinations serve her well: soon unspoken heaviness and loose ends between the doctor and his wife shoot up like cracks on the surface of a frozen lake.

The doctor is a good man; you cannot help but like him. But watching an honourable, intelligent grandfather become entangled in a hooker’s dark web is not for the weak of heart.

The tale is twisted, chilly and downright unnerving. But we cannot shake him out of the Shebug’s carefully conceived bewitchment no matter how much our hands itch to. Equally, we cannot urge the enviably controlled Lucie to grab hold of the reins soon enough. We sat helplessly awaiting for zee  Jaques-in-the-Box to pop out in her true sordid colours before more damage occurs. 

But typical to French cinema style, the truth of Lou Valle’s motives drop onto the unraveling scene one drop at a time. Though the danger finally seems to have been averted, does it really? 




As the lights in the Lumière brightened and the curtains closed, my polyglot friend and I exited le cinéma agreeing on two things:
1)   There is no fool like an old fool;

2)   I get to pick the French films for the remainder of the year!

Saturday, 10 May 2014

Married To Medicine



I don’t know about you, but insomnia feels like that friend from abroad who cheekily invites herself for a week armed with one suitcase stuffed with entitlement, the other oozing of Eau de Over-indulgence. Difficult to dodge and impossible to throw out, it makes a sloth pace back and forth at 100 miles per hour. So when lack of sleep comes to haunt my nights,  I resort to the tele. It eventually works - in tandem with a trusted Melatonin pill, of course.

But there was show I caught while away in California  that left me more sleepless than Seattle.

Bravo's reality TV show is called ‘Married To Medicine’. So much for the bone-dry documentary I was expecting...the content is pure Shebug.

Its cast live to whip up their fair share of formidable drama. The unlikely stars consist of two OB GYNs, a dentist, plus the others whose husbands are either ER physicians, a psychiatrist or an orthopaedic surgeon. 

In terms of looks, think Beyoncé, Rihanna, Kelly Rowland and Nicki Minaj replicates- minus the voice. Only one cool, calm and collected professional, Dr Jackie,  pulls off brainy chic beautifully and to a tee. 




The setting is Atlanta, Georgia, land of the sweet talking but remarkably crafty Southern Belle - except these peaches come unabashedly equipped with talons, stingers and a whole lot of lip. Talk of their distinguished profession is as incidental as the men on the show. Find it on Youtube and prepare to be sucked into the fierce high school ‘mean girl’ competitiveness and one-upmanship bold enough to rival any wolf on Wall Street.

The bling is explosive, their homes, inspirational.  Their lifestyles oscillate between decadence and frivolity. It’s all about the money, money money…kerchin!

And therein lies the rub…Those who defend the series say it offers young women a glimpse of what studying hard, getting an good education/good job can offer Jane Average. It screams study hard, remain focused, put in the years and invest in your future, and you, too, can have it all, down to the uprooted-from-Silicon Valley-cleavage to the Barbie Doll tresses and expensive little-left-to-the-imagination- dresses. Just how the multi-layer make-up does not melt off their surgically enhanced faces under the set lights or crack during a cat fight is beyond me. (Please send me the name of their make-up artist!)





All the power is in the women’s hands, whether they are operating on a patient or secretly stitching up one another. If the famous Dynasty cat fight between Crystal and Alexis traumatised you last century, those you’ll witness on Married To Medicine will have you reaching for Prozac…or for the record button on your remote.





Monday, 5 May 2014

New Voice, New Hair & a California Tan




Just where have I been is the million dollar question. Did I go into hiding or was I merely detoxing in the Alps?  Had I been recruited as a spy with orders to work behind enemy lines? Was I forced into an arranged marriage or was I in the wild Wild West simply chasing after a new dream? Or might I have been handcuffed to my laptop in the land of flakes, fruits and nuts crafting of a very different manuscript from my Shebug Stories?

Part of the answer lies in California, where I camped out for two months. One thing is for sure-for sure: I rode one hell of a roller coaster, got badly rear ended, saw two seriously shackled San Quentin prisoners in the emergency room – on different days - and spotted my first road runner ever... Beep beep!




I zigzagged my way from high drama to opressive quiet, emerged a little worse for wear but made it back to London - via Dallas for 7 hours - in one piece and did not get charged for excess luggage. Now I call that a triumph in survival skills!


Yes, I will be back writing. It’ll be the same old me but with a new voice. Deeper. Huskier. And very real.
I set off for the good old US of A with looooong hair and a dormant look only to return with a sassy hairdo,  eyes wide open and, OMG… a tan.



I’ve ditched the pale pink shimmer lip balm and do not leave the house without my red lipstick. It speaks volumes. Why? Because once you ditch the what-will-people-think/say/tell-restrained-for-the-sake-of others’ voice for the fullness of YOU, the right shade of Read-My-Lips Red is the only shade you’ll ever need!




Thursday, 24 April 2014

Plagues of New York

Time to send all New York matchmakers  SHEBUG: DISSECTING THE GOLD DIGGER…
























Monday, 17 March 2014

Shebug Origin: West Coast Chapter Ten



Victoire went on the record claiming her husband accidentally slipped and fell to his death. The press kept busy recapping Prentice’s stellar career, their lenses focused on the beautiful, grief-stricken widow.
    Willy Waites’ name was never mentioned. After he managed to calm Victoire the night of Peter’s suicide, he agreed to disappear before the police arrived on the scene. “God forbid they think you and I were in cahoots and pushed him overboard to get to his money,” she told him. “Stay away until it dies down. Please, I can’t risk losing you, too!”
 He kissed her goodbye and bolted back to his apartment shaking like a leaf. Willy understood how Victoire suffered from shock after seeing Peter commit suicide despite her attempts to dissuade him. Deep down he felt sorry for the man and realised the courage it took Prentice to spare his wife from an imminent scandal.
Willy tried to see Victoire but to no avail; his only contact with her was by phone. “Victoire, I need to see you even if it’s clear across the room. I’m miserable without you,” he said aching for his beloved’s touch.
    “Sweet, sweet Willy,” she cooed. “I barely sleep these days with everything I’ve lived through. I look like a wreck. My stepfather has arranged for me to spend two weeks in a clinic. It’s in Switzerland.”
    The last time Willy saw her was at Peter’s funeral two months earlier and at a considerable distance. “When are you leaving?”
    “Tomorrow.” She overheard his groan of pain.            
   “Promise me you’ll come to see me the minute I return? Please Willy?”
    Two weeks after her departure, Willy turned up with an engagement ring in his jacket pocket.  Instead of seeing her radiant face, he was greeted by movers. Later, he phoned the residence of Dr. and Mrs. Vestey, but he was told they were out of the country.
    That same week an article about Peter appeared in the local paper. It claimed his estimated worth was fifty million dollars, three of which went to an arthritic foundation in New York.
    Willy never heard from Victoire again, and he subsisted in a state of despondency. Family and friends rallied round to keep him from slipping away, but the broken-hearted man never revealed the name of his lover to another human being.
    Artemis eventually intervened and urged Willy’s partner to temporarily take over all administrative duties and allow Willy to immerse himself in the creative side of business.
    The arrangement paid off. The three-year retreat into his tormented mind unlocked keystone ideas that would revolutionize computer programming. A week before his thirtieth birthday, the shy, intelligent face of Willy Waites graced the covers of Newsweek and Time on the same week.
    Waites’ claim to fame was a software package called ViperSoft, used by banks worldwide used to keep track of individual financial transactions. His wealth ranked just behind the Sultan of Brunei.
    Willy and wife Julie, whom he met in the R & D department at Bassadai, became dedicated philanthropists. The couple had six children and was happily married. They shunned publicity, and their children attended local public schools in Atherton, California.
    Victoire’s career prospects later exceeded her expectations when she married the president of Bolivia. The pock marked dictator and his high society wife lived like king and queen of La Paz for ten years until a military coup resulted in the couple being gunned down as they tried to board an awaiting helicopter to flee the country.
A sizeable portion of country’s coffers was found in thirty-two pieces of designer luggage aboard the aircraft.
   Most recently, CNN reported an unexpected private donation of computers to Bolivia with the aim of facilitating the growth of democracy and getting the economy of the debt ravaged country back on its feet.

     The ten million dollar gift remained anonymous.

Monday, 10 March 2014

Shebug Origin: West Coast End of Chapter Nine



Willy looked ill at ease at the far end of the dark wooden bar at the Silver Dollar and kept looking at his watch. Minutes ticked by as slow as molasses. His nerves made him jumpy. Four minutes to nine, the twenty-seven-year-old put down the rest of his lukewarm beer in one gulp and took off into the night.
    Heavy fog hung inches from the ground on the moonless night making it difficult to see more than a few feet ahead. “Shit!” he cried, barely missing a large raccoon crossing the road. He opened the window and shivered.
    I should have never left her alone, he thought, biting hard on his lip. I should have been more of a man and insisted on waiting outside in case things turned ugly.
    He imagined Peter screaming at her or worse yet, reacted violently at being exposed. His foot pressed harder on the gas pedal.
    “Damn it!” He pounded his fist on the steering wheel. He would confront Peter. After all, Victoire agreed to marry him as soon as the divorce came through. She even hinted about starting a family.
    He almost missed the turn off to the Prentice house. He hit the brakes, put the car in reverse and made a sharp left turn towards the jagged coast.  When their parked cars became visible, Willy swerved to one side and immediately switched off the lights. He put on his parka and stepped into the dark.
    The entire coast was socked in. Aside from the occasional distant foghorn, an eerie silence enveloped the night. Willy heard no voices, no screams. His eyes adjusted to the surrounding darkness, and he listened for a while longer before making his way around to the back.
    Shadows leapt up when the winds blew and startled him. Willy nearly lost his footing on a bush and fell against the side of the house with a thud. “Shit!” He hunkered down for a few minutes before continuing. Sweat trickled down his back.
Suddenly, the thought of facing Prentice unnerved him. Not only was Peter one of the top men in the industry he was still Victoire’s husband. He was wealthy, very well connected and powerful, very powerful. Willy groaned but carried onward, grinding his teeth.

# # # #

    A lonely hurricane lamp shone on the deck table like a warning beacon. Peter watched as Victoire suddenly got up and walked outside towards the light with the unearthly gait of a sleepwalker.
    But Victoire was anything but asleep. Time was running out. She knew Willy would turn up soon and didn’t want him to stumble into any unfinished business. She had to get Peter onto the deck while he was in shock and still malleable.
    “Victoire?” Peter’s voice grew closer. She hurried to the edge then turned around. She looked like a ghost against the moonless background. Waves slapped hard against the rocks below. Cypresses creaked and swayed like hunched giants heightening the surrealism.
    “Peter we’re ruined,” she cried. “There’s nothing left.” She turned away from him and gripped onto the railing.
    “Victoire, no, don’t say that,” he countered, taking her by the arm. She was shaking.
“If I’d been a better wife, if I’d paid more attention, you would have been happier,” she replied with sorrow. “I caused this, I must have-Oh God help us!”
    Her young face looked so stricken, her tone so bittersweet, so wrenchingly convincing. Peter instantly made his decision. He was ruined, and there was no possible way out for him.
    “Victoire, I caused this. Do you understand?” He grabbed her forcefully by the shoulders. Her eyes widened. “I’m to blame, no one else.”
    She placed her cold palms against chest. “Oh, Peter I want to get through this awful nightmare, but how?” she pleaded. “Help me!”
    The wild pounding of his heart became deafening, He gave her a quick last kiss, grabbed the railing and threw one leg over it. Victoire took a step back. Peter put the other leg over and said, “I didn’t kill the man, tell them. Do it for me!” The narrow edge was slippery. Peter looked down at the raging surf below frozen with terror. The cliff side glistened under the spotlights. He let go of one hand and was about to let go of the other when Willy came running towards them from the side of the house and screamed her name.
    She spun around, startled. “Willy?!”
    “Waites?” Peter cried out at the same time.
The face of the cliff appeared smoky under the glare of the lights.
    Victoire spun back around to face Peter and caught the penny drop in his red-rimmed eyes. Before Willy ruined her perfect plan, she hurled herself towards Peter screaming hysterically at the top of her lungs. Peter not only jumped out of skin, he accidentally let go of the railing and dropped from sight.
His wife watched in morbid fascination as Peter’s body ricocheted off the side of the cliff and became impaled on a sharp boulder below.
    Then she covered her eyes and shrieked, “Peter, no!!!”

Willy looked over the edge and saw waves wash over Prentice’s broken body. The tip of the sharp rock protruded from his bloody abdomen.

Monday, 3 March 2014

Shebug Origin: West Coast End of Chapter Eight





“Peter, you’re whoring around—with men! What do you expect me to think, let alone feel?”
    Oh my God, whom has she spoken with? Who else knows about the photographs? Why was I stupid enough to keep them?
“I know you’re in shock. I’ll, I’ll do all in my power to fix this somehow. Just, please, don’t do anything rash, Victoire. Please!” She’ll want a divorce.
    “But I’m afraid I have to, Peter. I’ve trusted you, gave you space, never questioned anything.” Her voice sounded frail.
    She’ll seek legal advice, and they’ll talk her into exposing me unless I agree to a huge settlement.
    His palms glistened with perspiration. He longed for air to think more clearly. “Have you spoken to anybody else?”
    “Do you mean have I told anybody about this or are you worried I might have seen a lawyer?” she asked accusingly. “No, Peter, how can you even think that?” She shook her head. “What do you take me for, a cold-blooded bitch?” Her hands tightened into fists. “I’m hurt, angry and scared beyond words but have been compassionate enough to keep my mouth shut!”
    Peter breathed an inner sigh of relief. “Victoire, if I told you it was a one off, crazy, regretful night, would you believe me?”
    She gasped. “Now you chose to insult me? Peter, please stop this, I can’t take any more of this. At least have the decency of telling me the truth!”
    He couldn’t argue the point. She was an intelligent woman whom he respected and whose company he enjoyed thoroughly. He took another sip of wine, but the bouquet turned sour in his mouth.
   He sat down and put his head between his hands. “Victoire, my lovely Victoire.” He sighed deeply. “I should have never married you. It wasn’t fair to you.” He looked at her with honest eyes. “At the beginning I tried to be a good husband. I swear to you, I tried.” He shook his weary head very slowly. “I have to accept all responsibility for my actions. I know I’ve let you down but I hope you’ll be forgiving, Victoire. It won’t mean much right now, but I do love you.” He did in his own way. “I’ll give you anything you want. All I ask is that we keep this secret, my secret, between ourselves.”
    She had no doubt he would take good care of her. She could have struck a very lucrative deal. But she was heady with power, consumed by greed and wasn’t about to settle for anything less than the entire pie.
    She walked over and knelt in front of him poised to unleash the final blow.
    “You know I would have never exposed your secrets, Peter.” A tear trickled down her cheek and landed on his knee. “But I’m afraid there’s so much more at stake here. You see,” she reached for his hands, “I’m afraid it’s no longer up to me now.”  Her colourless lips quivered.
    He looked at her quizzically. “What are you saying?”  She rose, walked back to a glass table and pulled out another envelope from her handbag.
“If this gets out, it’s going to kill your mother, Peter!” She handed it to him and burst into tears.
    Spooked, his shaky fingers opened it up. She watched his expression of quiet horror as he leafed through Willy’s stash. “Where did you get you get this? What is going on here?” She never heard a grown man’s voice tremble before.
    “Somebody is blackmailing us, Peter! They have the negatives and say they’re going to hang you publicly unless we pay them whatever they ask for, for as long as they ask.” She looked like a terrified doe.
“Was there a note?” he croaked. His heart had accelerated to a dangerous speed.
    Victoire put both hands over her rising chest. “No! I got a call this morning after you’d left for the office. I was told to see what they’d left me on the front steps.” She pointed to the envelope. “He said something about it being your comeuppance and how he was going to make us pay for the rest of our days!” The fright in her eyes echoed in her voice. She blew her nose, and took an extra beat for a more dramatic effect.. “I tried to trace the blackmailer’s call, but I couldn’t.”
     “Dear God,” Peter cried. He had lived long enough to know that in the game of blackmail victims never won. A surreal state took possession him. Time ceased to exist, and things seemed to move in slow motion. Wine laced with bile rose in his throat. He gagged and swallowed hard.
Victoire gasped. “Oh, Peter, what do we do? Tell me you didn’t kill anybody, please, tell me you didn’t!” She covered her face and leaned against his chest like a child. “Please make it all go away, I beg you!”
    “No, I didn’t kill anybody, as God is my witness.” His throat constricted uncomfortably. Victoire clung to him. Stupefied, he stroked her loose hair.
    The threat was no longer the exposure of his homosexuality but of being accused of murder. His brain flapped about like a fish out of water looking for solutions. No matter how this situation played out in court, he knew no lawyer in the country could save him from the humiliation.
    Bitter reality stared him in the face. Peter’s head sunk into his shoulders, like an old turtle: he would be permanently disgraced, on national television no less. His mother would collapse under the pressure of the news before the callous scrutiny of the press even knocked on her door.
    The damp night’s breeze brushed his stony face, and he looked up slowly. Victoire stood by the open window, her platinum hair blowing in the wind looking like a forlorn child, dejected and resigned. He hadn’t even felt her walk off. The logs in the fireplace cracked and spat angrily at the invading wind. A handful of glossies jumped up at floated about the room in a macabre dance.

    Victoire held onto the door and turned to look at the thundering surf. “It’s over, Peter. You won’t survive this scandal no matter how much we fight it. God knows who else out there knows! She looked away and cried out, “I’m scared, Peter, I’m so scared!” She fell to the floor in a heap and wept.