The
month of June ring wedding bells across the Northern hemisphere. Once again, the
promise of love and happiness permeates the air for all to inhale and savour.
Having
said that, weddings seem to bring out the meanest in the Shebug breed. Once
their jealousy flares up, best be en
guarde…
A dear friend of mine, Jane, has a
daughter who just got married. I spent a magical afternoon at their house a few
weeks ago and enjoyed hours of good old girlie chatter and shared wisdom. The
topic of conversation included a handful of Shebugs, naturellement; Jane one of my biggest fans and is pushing me to
publish the next book in Shebug Series. (Watch this space!)
It
all began when Lydia, the bride-to-be, moaned about a call she had just taken
from someone who was asking whether she could bring a date three days before
the wedding. This was not a boyfriend, but some guy she had gone out with the
weekend before. Caught unawares, Lydia reluctantly said yes.
“Don’t
feel bad, Lydia,” Jane cooed. “You buckled under pressure and gave in. But you
can remedy this immediately by learning to say one very important word: 'no'.”
Lydia’s
troubled eyes doubled in size. “But, mum, I just said she could-”
“No
worries. Call her back right now and explain that you did not have enough time
to think before answering. Then tell her ‘no’ and that the seating has already
been arranged. Dead simple.”
Jane
picked up the receiver and handed it to Lydia. Before her daughter’s resistance
took control of her, her mother carried on gingerly, “The first time is the
toughest. But after a couple of times, you won’t even bat an eye. Don’t let
ill-bred people like her push you around. It’s your wedding and you are
in charge.”
Jane
‘s advice was spot on. The operative word when deflecting all manner of
Shebuggery, whether on a social level or business level, is ‘NO”.
I
thought back to my big day and how a friend of my mother’s came dressed in a
long white gown... Rather than see red, my mother swiftly swapped the Shebug’s
place setting to the furthest corner of the room. Regardless of her husband, the
renowned tenor who had just sung the Ave Maria during the ceremony, my mother
wasn’t about to let his cheeky wife inflict undue damage at my wedding.
One
very attractive older woman I know decided to pull a fainting fit right before
a meal for 200 was served at her niece’s wedding. Thankfully, she did not bang her head and require an
ambulance. (If you did not think angels walk the Earth, think again!) She was
immediately escorted her to her seat inside before the couple and their
families heard about the incident. One very gracious guest remained glued to
her side in case the crafty older Shebug had another trick up her satin sleeve.
She did, however, capture a coterie a guests swooping by to ask how she was
feeling the entire evening…
A
year ago, another incident took place at a wedding held in Venice. But this
time, it was a Hebug wreaking havoc; the groom’s cousin’s sharp claws came out
to play like Edward Scissorhands on Grappa
and steroids…
The
bride and groom, both recent medical graduates, had an after hours party
organized for their closest friends. Two highly polished water taxis awaited
under the light of the moon to whisk the guests to the couple’s half furnished
two-bedroom house to continue their celebration. But instead of ending up there, the Hebug, an insufferable braggart,
instructed the boat captains to ferry the select gaggle of guests to his opulent
villa instead.
Jane
shared the story about her American friend Elisa, whose bright rosy future juddered
to a grinding halt the moment the priest asked whether or not anyone should
object to the wedding. An uninvited Shebug raised her hand and brazenly stood
up. Her fake pregnancy announcement secured her the trophy she had been after
for some time. He was very successful and handsome to boot.
Eventually,
Elisa found love once more. But this time, she took no chances and eloped. Like
his predecessor, Elisa’s husband was also property developer only much more
driven. So when the permission was granted his company to erect a
tower across the street from his wife’s ex-fiancé and Shebug wife, Elisa
demanded one simple thing of him.
“Build
me one wider and taller then theirs.”
He
very happily obliged.
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