Sunday, 23 December 2012

Big Girls, Big Rocks

Liz Taylor, interestingly, shared two Shebug traits: multi-marriages and a formidable jewellery collection. But that is where the similarities end. Though she played the role of Super-Shebug, Cleopatra, to perfection, Liz was motivated by passion, never by power.

My mother says I didn’t open my eyes for eight days after I was born, the screen goddess once confessed, but when I did, the first thing I saw was an engagement ring. I was hooked. It is the famous quip she fired husband Richard Burton after he told her she had fat hands that people remember best.Big girls need big diamonds…”

Touché, Dick darling! Liz might have piled on the pounds over time, but her diamonds kept on coming, each one bigger than the next. And if anyone could carry off size 'vulgar' the best, it was the larger than life legendary actress with the violet eyes. 

Diamonds will forever feature at the very top the unmarried Shebug's Christmas list. Her Sugar Daddy du jour must cough up the goods, preferably in the form of a engagement solitaire. In her eyes, it's not so much the diamond's colour, cut, or clarity but rather, size of carat.

The married Shebug, too, expects nothing short of triple the size of rocks 'Mr Aulde Bald-Butloaded' lavished on her last Christmas. Her demands would have been concisely typed out replete with store addresses and the names of each sales assistant awaiting his arrival with her pre-wrapped prezzies, credit card machine in hand. A seasoned Shebug, she will never leave room for interpretation, every detail of every designer gem is spelled crisply in black and white; should her ageing, ailing husband not do as she requests, his days will be numbered. Clearly, the true spirit of Christmas is lost on this scaly breed...

So whether you unwrap sparkling rocks or a swish wrap rug this Christmas, furs or a fashion jumpers, a Mercedes or a monogrammed robe, remember what the real meaning is all about, be grateful and count your blessings!


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