Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Speedy Mistress Manager

Oh dear, enter the Mistress Manager, the Wheeler Dealer of the Shebug Shows…

Name: Gina Rodriguez.
Biggest claim to fame: Playboy Centrefold.
Past employment: Star of sixty X rated films.
Location: Los Angeles
Current line of work: Public Relations
Client roster: Former mistresses, benefit cheaters, escorts and Hollywood D list hopefuls

The forty-six year-old PR dynamo-from-the-dark-side was born, and will remain, a true Hustler (and probably did a shoot for one, too…) Ms Rodriguez handles the interests of Shebugs - and Hebugs, whose affairs with those in the spotlight catapulted them out of obscurity.  And gutters.

Remember when the Tiger got caught frolicking in the woods with a porn star? Well, the golden golfer’s career took a downturn, but Joslyn James, made out like a bandit thanks to her PR agent, Gina.

Ms Rodriguez expertly milks a Shebug’s fifteen minutes of fame while the iron is red hot. No doubt Gina must be related to Speedy Gonzales because scandals bubble up as reliably as British summer tube strikes.

Savvy, she also keeps her eyes on politicians’ dalliances. One of the women to whom the disgraced New York congressman, David Weiner, sent scandalous texts to, landed a movie deal thanks to Ms Rodriguez. The name of the film?  Weiner and Me – what else?

Charlie Sheen’s name was tousled about in the tabloids because of his, err, carnal addiction. But what Gina did was turn his stable of escorts into Charlie’s Angels. This coup increased her client list overnight.

Nadya Suleman, aka ‘Octomom’ is part of Gina’s posse. The unwed mother of six addicted to plastic surgery, popped out eight more babies all on the US tax payers’ money, of course. No doubt each child will require a lifetime of counselling;  I wouldn’t bet on Octomom footing her brood’s psychiatric bills no matter how much employment her agent can secure for her.

Gina’s celebrity mistresses hope to bag anything between $10,000 and $50,00 for their kiss-and-tell antics depending upon whom they’ve slept with.
If they cannot wed the targets they are bedding, the gold diggers can sting and cash in. Gina Rodriguez’s services are honey to Shebugs and Hebugs alike.

This reminded me a scandal that broke out in 1987 when former married senator Gary Hart announced the beginning of his second presidential campaign. Soon thereafter, the press published photographs of Hart with a twenty-nine year-old model, Donna Rice, on an island nobody had ever heard of, Bimini. The words Monkey Business were emblazoned on the tee shirt Mr. Hart was wearing. No surprise, Hart dropped out of the race; Donna Rice went on to shoot this advert:

Donna Rice No Excuses by phattaile

Nowadays, she presides as president and CEO of an American non-profit anti-pornography movement working hard to make the Internet safer for families and children. 

Eat your heart out, Ms Rodriguez!

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