Stinker Traitor Shifty Spy

Whistleblower, Julian Assange, has decided to make appearances again. Savvy Hebug, he knows  any publicity is good publicity whether from a balcony or lack lustre press conference. 

But let us not be too hasty to judge. Perhaps he feels a tad guilty about the £11,600 a day police coverage we taxpayers are obliged to foot. In case you are as bad at maths as I am, the total to date comes dangerously close to the £4.5 million mark. Ay, caramba!

The WikiLeaks editor-in-chief claims his health is failing. Frankly, I can sympathise: it is rare that I spend an entire day in the house, rain or shine, before my inner panther begins to climb the walls. How Assange survives with 3 seconds of  English sunlight a day boggles the mind.   

Granted, the average person would need to pay roughly £34,000 to reside in a one bedroom flat in Knightsbridge, whereas the accused doesn't pay a penny. But living across from Harrods on the run up to Christmas or during the sales, must be a veritable nightmare between the noisy delivery trucks and  the scent of Hooka pipes wafting over from nearby Beauchamp Place would make anybody's skin turn seriously sallow.

But considering who and what awaits him no sooner he exits the Ecuadorian Embassy, I'd continue to bleach my  own locks, spend another £9,000 on take outs, continue learning Spanish gratis - basically resign myself to re-evaluating, repenting and avoid regressing with too many hours wasted on Netflix.   

Frankly, the colour orange does not suit my skin tones. The only way I would set foot outside the host embassy's doors would be to... vanish. But has it occurred to anyone that maybe it is not Assange's choice at all, and that the smell of a two-year-old fish might outweigh the thrill of celebrity guests who traipse in and out of the Ecuadorian embassy? Could it be that the thrill is gone?

Consider this: Assange's Frenemy List includes people such as Birgitta Jonsdottir (Icelandic Prime Minister), socialite Jemima Khan and  an army of journalists and biography writers, none of which like to loose face, faith or money.  Lady Gaga is obviously too busy to pay her buddy a visit; after all, OTT reinvention is not fabricated overnight. 

Below is a charity lunch Julian Assange is offering to the highest bidder. (I kid you not - talk about men and their egos...) Isn't he afraid that either the US, UK or the Swedish authorities might slip in one of their own and use this to their advantage? 

Malheureusement, Mr. Assange does not look anything like Benedict Cumberbatch who played the role of Assange in the film The Fifth Estate. Hence, as a potential bidder, I would rather pay more than double and experience a seven-day, all-expenses paid trip for 2 to Abu Dhabi as guests of the Crown Prince & His Chameaux.