Thursday, 25 October 2012

Impermeable Italian

New York born, Italian bred, once-divorced Annunziata holds a degree in International Law. She earned the title of ‘Man Eater’ by the press, but lost the High Court libel action against the Daily Mail publishers. Poveretta!

She literally toe-sucked her place into the celebrity spotlight bewitching the manager of the Lazio football team, Sven Goran-Eriksson. When this high profile, heated affair fizzled out, Nancy blazed a new trail in the direction of theatre/film/television director Sir Trevor Nunn, married to actress Imogene Stubbs.

Take heed: Nancy is not one to waste time on pity parties. When that juicy catch slipped from her grasp, she shook her feathers and shimmied on Strictly Come Dancing instead.

I find her dress sense more entertaining than counting the layers of make-up, coats of mascara or lashings of lip-gloss she piles on like impasto.

Nancy’s choices of outfits reflect her enviable self-assurance and child-like bravado. Who else would flash cleavage, squeeze into minis, body-hugging leather, peek-a-boo frocks, let alone appear straight-faced wearing an Cleopatra-style headdresses? What about turning up at 10 Downing Street clad in a scarlet sequins catsuit before, or after, the age of reason?

Good taste might have eluded her, but it is Nancy’s sense of extravaganza that ensures you never forget she is alive and well, fully equipped to hunt down- and trap- another high-profile multi-millionaire.

Watch this space...

Thursday, 18 October 2012

French Lessons

Valérie Trieweiller, the French president’s domestic partner, has acquired a few soubriquets since her recent arrival at the Élysée Palace: La Frondeuse (The Troublemaker), and The Rottweiler. Officially, the forty-seven year old is the first ‘unmarried’ first lady.

The twice-divorced, 47 year old political journalist reportedly had an affair lasting several years with Patrick Devedjian, 68, a married former economic recovery minister in Nicolas Sarkozy's government.

When he refused to leave his wife of 30 years, she hedged her bets by roping in Hollande (a father of four married to Ségolène Royal, a senior Socialist politician in her own right) to her cinq-à-sept list.

Valérie showed off her multi-tasking skills straddling both the Right and the Left candidates whilst dutifully reporting on politics.

But La Frondeuse drew blood when photographed on a beach holiday with her president boyfriend. She felt the paparazzi snaps made her look ‘fat’ and sued. A Paris judge ordered celebrity weekly VSD to pay Valerie £1,500 versus her demand for £24,000, for breaching her privacy and image rights.

But Miss Trierweiler’s fangs are not as sharp as many portray: she declined to attack her own employer, Paris Match, saying she felt "ill at ease" doing so. After all, they published the photos inside not magazine and not on the front cover…

But what has the entire country mesmerized is the interaction between Valérie and the president’s ex-wife, Royal.

The Rottweiler recently engaged in a public swatting at Ségolène by way of Twitter. Her actions caused much debate. Enviably cool, she quipped, "To speak of jealousy in this business is idiotic. I see no conflation of public and private lives here. It has got out of all proportion and things should be put back into perspective."

Oh là là! Will Ségolène slam a ball in Valerie’s court next?  Stay tuned…

In the meantime, enjoy watching Michelle Obama’s body language as she officially greets the Rottweiler during the G8 conference.  

Friday, 12 October 2012

The Shebug Rules

If you think Shebugs are strictly gold-digging man-poachers, think again. Potentates also qualify as Shebugs.

You will find the complete array of these Queen Bees exposed in their full glory in ‘Shebug: Dissecting the Gold Digger’, under Corporate Creepers.

One such Shebug basks in the limelight 24/7, showing off her glossy trout lips and botox-filled, surgically enhanced visage. Naturally, it helps immensely when you control a nation’s media and every angle of the camera...

Widow Cristina Kirchner rules Argentina from a pink palace. Just like her president husband before her, she creatively finds new ways of milking the already anorexic cow for more money.

She hates the US. Her best buddy is Chavez. She gives stipends to young girls to bear children. She restricts travelling Argentines to spending $30 a day, and extracts a 15% tax on every item bought overseas - but earmarks $68,000 to cover the expenses of those accompanying her to the Middle East on the presidential plane.

But there are good things about her. Cristina will grant a person their fifteen minutes of fame - so long as they do not object to public defamation. She disbanded the military to avoid a coup: in a machista republic, it pays to be cunning.  

Cristina is a good mother. She makes sure that her twenty-one year old daughter lives in the lap of luxury in a fabulous Park Avenue penthouse in Manhattan. She also has no qualms about cutting the rescue helicopter queue should her son so much as twist his ankle out in the Pampas. This mama has her priorities very clear.

A feminist, she insists on calling herself Presidenta, though grammatically incorrecto. She also does her best to speak languages other than ‘Porkies’. As you will see in the video, Cristina does her very best to speak English. Bless her.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

The Pole and The Au Pair

The specimen under the microscope today falls under Chapter Eight: Curvaceous Crawlers, in my book ‘Shebug: Dissecting the Gold Digger’.

A colleague of mine presented me with her Shebug story, which centers on her au pair- except, not in the way you may think…

The Shebug is of Polish origin.

“She became known in the neighbourhood as ‘Glamour Puss’ ”, Kathleen tells me. “We all expected to see her on the arm of an oligarch.”

What nobody imagined was that one with such pulling power would end up dating Kathleen’s au pair.

Eyebrows went up and chins got scratched across the communal gardens when the unlikely Shebug coupling announced plans to wed.

The twenty-eight year old had only just graduated from university. Neither he, nor his family, had a penny to their name. Immemorial insofar as his looks and his carriage, he qualified as ideal MI6 material. His only future prospect worth note was to further his education.

The dodgy gaggle of individuals, whom Glamour Puss referred to as ‘family’, kept coming up with more and more colourful reasons to delay the wedding date, one sounding more ludicrous than the next. Everyone saw the writing on the wall, except for her smitten fiancé.

Eventually, the ridiculous excuses ran out. And so did the Glamour Puss along with her and her cronies.  

Kathleen knows it is only a matter of time before the Shebug’s face surfaces on the cover of some magazine as Mrs. Rich Deep-Pockets all decked out in riotous layers of crinoline and lace, and everything bad taste.

Fortunately, the broken-hearted au pair has since obtained a post-graduate degree, and a position with a major management consultancy.

And wouldn’t it be nice if his face showed up on Fortune Magazine instead?