Deposed Queen & Stolen Crown

Nerve is what Shebugs - and Hebugs - are all about. Any standard social gauge, dash of the civilized or portent of politesse, go straight by the wayside on them.

If a Shebug smells an opportunity, regardless of how unmerited, how low or how blatantly incorrect it might be, in she slithers devoid of remorse and wearing a look of high-octane confidence only this breed can pull off.

Today’s Shebug is Burmese. But, alas, nothing like the much sought after rubies of her country. May Myat Noe is an eighteen-year-old destined to marry a despot such is the thickness of her young skin.

Miss May was just crowned Miss Asia Pacific in South Korea. To anybody in the know, this is a huge honour. Why? Burma entered two contestants for the first time in the two years since the small nation broke free of its military yolk; no small feat for an emerging nation of 51 million.

The coveted crown is estimated to be worth a cool £60,000; the average monthly salary after tax in the capital, Myanmar (formerly known as Rangoon) is just under £225. Clearly, the bejewelled bandit made out pretty well when she pulled a runner post victory.

The pageant wanted to pay for Miss Noe to undergo cosmetic enhancing: a set of silicone breasts is what they had in mind for their beauty queen.

May declined. She must have decided she did not want her breasts to be confused with mountains - like Shakira. Can’t blame her on that one… But refusing to believe and act as though she was still the winner is not on. Well, she is still in her teens, and teens can be rebellious at times. 

So what does mama Noe have to say about her daughter’s unprofessional behaviour? Who knows except that Mrs. Noe not only violated her ten-day visa restrictions, but also insisted the pageant foot the bill for her two and a half month stay in South Korea. Perhaps the apple does not fall too far from the tree.

As soon as May declined the free surgery, the crowned beauty was duly informed that she was to immediately give up her title, sash and crown, and board a pre-paid flight to back to Rangoon. Instead, the pretty Shebug secretly boarded an earlier flight home with the goodies safely stashed away in her manicured clutches.

Pageant media director, David Kim, is hot on her tail. In addition to theft, he also accuses Miss May of being an ingrate and of having a ‘lack of personality’.

Poor Mr. Kim… he may well be advised to use the £6,000 sponsorship money earmarked for May Myat Noe’s boob job to get his disjointed nose fixed and the hire a Pinkerton or two. It might take a lifetime to get that title, sash and crown back from this Queen Shebug...